The Round Table Discussion: The Whys Behind Advocacy (Family)

Hideous Planned Parenthood news hit the media spotlight and inspired me to write this Round Table series. So far we’ve looked at two opposing views, Pro-life and Pro-choice, and the foundation of worldview which establishes the scope and drives the passion behind them. (See Life and the Verbal Volley.) Some of the points translate to any topic simply because our worldview affects everything we process to understand.

The conversation now focuses on advocacy voices seated at the table. If you’re following, you know there are two groups in abortion advocacy: those who have been directly affected by the decision to abort a pre-born life, and those who have not. The haves deserve special attention. I’m focusing on the have nots for now.

Four Whys That Motivate
Not an exhaustive list, my conversations with others indicated a few general, deeply-held beliefs and core values galvanize an advocate’s position.





The whys are rooted in answers to key questions advocates answer for themselves. (See the post on faith to read how this conversation started.) Depending on how our worldview was formed and informed, the four whys above play out differently.

Now, about the passionate voice at the table advocating with a family focus.

Some of us grew up in grace-filled, Christian families, and some did not. These people were the first and greatest influences in our lives. We inherit more than genetic material from our parents. Spending a lot of time with them, or anyone else for that matter, formed our worldview perspectives early. Our understanding of life and lifestyle, acceptance and rejection, selfishness and selflessness, abortion and adoption—our ideas on all these things and more formed, even if we didn’t know what they were at the time.

The decision to terminate a pregnancy can be made for lots of reasons. Within family relationships, shame can be a powerful force. Confessing how an unexpected child came to be can be difficult, uncomfortable, or disruptive to the family. Sex outside of marriage, while our culture becomes more liberal by the day, still carries with it complicated shame issues for many. Infidelity that results in a pregnancy can be explosive and destructive to the family. What may be worst is the psychological and emotional damage done in the case of sexual abuse (rape or incest). We could walk this road a little farther, but the personal reasons typically stack up and amount to shame, tough real-life consequences, or devastating abuse. Often the choice to abort is damage control, and under those circumstances, it’s very sad. The have nots seem to characterize the family ideas in the following ways, and my tears begin to flow when I hear—

It’s another mouth to feed, and they don’t have enough to make ends meet as it is.
If these girls and women are going to run around….
She already gave up how many children for adoption?
She had no intent to be a parent. No one should be forced to do that!
She should never be forced have a child “out there” who will find her someday!
Rape and incest cases should always be terminated. Can you imagine bearing that man’s child?
This is such an ugly world. Who wants to bring a child into it?
The (fill in any collective adjective) population is out of control!

It’s an attempt to solve a significant, complex situational dilemma in the “best” way possible. People line up to support abortion as a means to control so many things. Can you see how lifestyle might outweigh the tiny, unseen life in the majority of the above? Am I the only one who thinks aborting the pregnancy does nothing to address the underlying needs? Does it even begin to genuinely or effectively address the social, emotional, physical, or sexual realms? (I’m aware PP is a provider of products suggesting education, prevention, etc., so that little point can remain. I’d like to know what the actual abortion procedure addresses effectively.)

I assume you have friends like mine. A couple hoped to build a family, but there were difficulties. Out of a painful struggle, their beautiful hearts became open to adoption. They had no idea that was God’s plan for their family at the start, but they became soft and open to it. Sometimes there were no fertility problems at all. A family chose to increase their size through adoption. Either way, children who had no value to anyone else in their part of the world were given infinite value! Bless them! Homes were opened to “the least of these,” and lives were completely transformed. These advocates saw the intrinsic value in the the pre-born partly because families and adoption were core values.

Adoption is a beautiful motivator. Christians often see the correlation between God’s adoption shown in Scripture and the adoption process for available children. Not everyone can adopt; I’m so thankful for those who do! Check out what God says—

Concerning the Gentiles, God says in the prophecy of Hosea, “Those who were not my people, I will now call my people. And I will love those whom I did not love before.” Romans 9:25

The prophecy is in the context of Israel’s election, but do you see the beauty of God choosing to love and adopt the Gentiles into his people? It’s a beautiful thing! When families welcome orphans or surrendered children, it reflects the very thing God does on behalf of anyone who was previously out of relationship with Him. He places children in families. He places us in his family, in his precious and loved people. What do you think about that?

If we are honest, plenty of families adopt for various reasons, and they aren’t all about God. That’s understandable and commendable. I love adoptive families who provide loving homes for children who would otherwise have a very different life, maybe with terrible hardships. Adoptive families, I just want to say thank you! You stand in the gap for these children in place of me and others who cannot.

My little sidebar conversation to the Jesus-lovers might go a little like this:

Many of you are doing whatever you can to support adoption in your city, state, country, or the world. Thank you! You are able to be in the trenches by increasing your family through adoption, buy someone’s cheesecakes at a bake sale for their family adoption, or serve with and support an orphan ministry—you are beautiful hearts! Thank you! If you are beginning to wonder how you can support orphaned or adoptable children, there is no shortage of avenues. (Let’s create a resource list below!)

If we are searching for a cultural solution to abortion, we will never find a single, magic solution. Let’s consider that placing children in families is a wonderful option, and one of many possible supportive approaches. How can we make that a reality?


Questions to Think About?

Do you already support families or single women and girls trying to navigate the crisis of an unexpected pregnancy? How do you do that?

If you were open to using your voice (or other resources and means) to support a family-focus, what might you be able to do? Where would you look to connect? How might you connect to trusted, quality organizations?

Can you think of other means to support a family focus under these circumstances if a woman were hesitant to investigate or commit to adoption?

What programs do you think needs to be in place to support both individuals who are parents to the little one? Who should initiate and organize those? Have you ever felt called to serve in some capacity?

How would you enter into a conversation with someone who has not been impacted directly by abortion who has a differing view from yours? Can you bring truth, love, gentleness and respect to the dialogue?

Note: It’s been brought to my attention I have been “loose” on my definitions of both Pro-life and Pro-choice. I would love to discuss that on the Verbal Volley thread or at the Fragrant Grace Facebook page. Friends also noticed I didn’t clearly mention medically necessary procedures. I hope to get there. That feels like a more sensitive area to discuss. I want to have a special conversation about that soon.

Images sourced at
Scripture sourced from

One comment

  1. A few amazing friends have begun a list of resources at the Facebook page, and I wanted to include those things here. I’ll make a Resources Page for this blog, but I’m compiling the list in this thread as we go for now.

    Please share your favorite trusted organizations (and other creative family-focused ideas) here!

    Thanks! (Northern Illinois: Informed Choices) (Northern Illinois: was Teen Mother Choices) (Safe Families supports families in crisis) (Northern Illinois: Zechariah Center)

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