Here I sit, staring at a blank page and wondering what will come of it. This is a brand new thing, and I’m a little nervous. It’s not the writing; that’s one of my favorite things to do. It’s not the intentional exploration of Scripture to grasp more deeply the fullness of God’s grace; I love digging deeply into the truth of the Bible and wrestling with it.
Perhaps it’s the vulnerability of the thing.
One thing my closest friends know about me is that I’m “olfactorily challenged” most days. For nearly 20 years I have had difficulty in identifying anything in the realm of fragrance. Thankfully, when my children were very small, I had close friends who would quietly let me know my child needed to be changed. But, there’s nothing like being on the receiving end of a horrified stranger’s glare that translates to Don’t you know your child needs to be changed!? I know, most mom’s can smell that a mile away. We’ll just call it a “mixed blessing” in my life. How ironic is it that someone who cannot smell would write about anything aromatic?
Have I blown any and all credibility with that piece?
Another thing I feel you should know is that I haven’t “arrived” when it comes to grace. Nope. When I began my Christian life almost 20 years ago, I had very little understanding of grace. I knew I needed and desperately wanted it. I knew it was the demonstration of God’s deep, passionate love for me on the cross. Over the years, and especially the last few months, I’ve found grace to be a bit more like an iceberg in nature. While there is a portion you can see, there is a much larger portion beneath the water. In order to know what is down there, a person simply has to go beneath the surface. I know I have so much to learn!
Are you still willing to take some of the journey with me?
I’m outside of my comfort zone in more than a few ways. This blog represents vulnerability. My story, such that it is, is being shared (in a controlled way) on my Author Page. It’s possible my past may be shocking to some who read it, and I might receive less desirable responses to it. The exploration may go slowly and arduously, or it may become deeply convicting. Any number of hard things may appear on the horizon at any time.
But, there’s the flip side to think about.
The elements of my story are common. Women everywhere have experienced deep wounds, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Some of these things may keep us awake nights. If my story helps one woman feel she’s not alone, the whole thing would have been worth it. If the exploration of sweet, fragrant grace speaks to the hearts of a few, and they find themselves more genuinely and intimately knowing God, I couldn’t put a price on that. Of course, it would all be worth it!
But, if I alone am changed—if it’s just li’l old me—then the journey would still be sweet! It would have been worth it for ME!